a few years ago a “fellow blogger” and i somehow stumbled into each other’s lives. it was almost freaky how parallel small parts of our lives were, right down to attitude and geographical location. i had the pleasure and honor of meeting her in person once over drinks. while we rarely communicate, i always like to pop in every once in awhile and read what she’s got to say. her insight and quick wit always crack me up because she seems so much like me (only she writes WAY better)…thanks girlie, for literally taking the words right out of my mouth!

redeye - 5/2/08

From the cheating stories I’ve heard, there are a few major ways to get busted:

Firsthand observation
Some of us have had the traumatic experience of walking in on significant others in the throes of cheating–the firsthand witness bust. I’ve heard countless stories about people who were cheating in the very homes that they share with their significant others. Some have spied their sig others in public, canoodling with someone else.

Messaging
E-mails, text messages and picture mail are technology conveniences that often are used for evil. The proof is right there on a technicolor screen, and there’s no good defense. Don’t bother to say: “I don’t know why she sent me naked pictures and an invitation to come over at 2 a.m. Maybe she accidentally sent them to the wrong person?” You’re busted. Just accept it.

Hard, cold evidence
Women notice things like earrings left on the nightstand, a random tube of lipstick in the bathroom and an abundance of stray strands of hair that don’t match ours. We will observe the two wine glasses in your sink and note that one has a lipstick ring.

Guys will become suspicious to find a toilet seat in the up position, a forgotten condom wrapper and the mysterious presence of size 16 gym shoes under the bed. Some evidence can be explained, but your significant other will be on notice.

Informants
Most people don’t like to get involved in the domestic disputes of their friends, but sometimes it can’t be helped. For example, ladies, if your boyfriend’s best friend bumps into you while you’re with another guy on a weekend that you’re supposed to be away, you’re probably busted.

Guys, if you’re macking to a girl who happens to be your girlfriend’s sister’s best friend, you’d better know she’s hitting the speed-dial button before you’ve left the club.

Investigation
If your significant other is perceptive and suspects that something might be going on, he/she will investigate the origin of the smoke, which often is a five-alarm fire. Your honey is on a mission to figure out what’s going on by any means necessary, and if you’re guilty, you will get busted.

Tired of getting busted? I have a surefire remedy. If you follow my advice, your days of getting caught with your hands in the cookie jar are over. Forever.

It’s very simple … stop cheating!

If you’re keeping it in your pants, there’s no chance that e-mail messages, eyewitnesses or evidence can compromise your relationship. Even a perceived indiscretion has a reasonable explanation. You can rest easy, knowing that you’ve done nothing wrong, and that there are no skeletons in your closet to come back to haunt you.

1/5/07

The theme of the day is cheating. I was inundated with it from the very start of the day.
I was listening to Drex in the Morning, and they featured a woman who makes it her business to ruin the weddings of men who have cheated on her in the past. Apparently she bursts in, says whatever she has to say to a church full of astonished guests and family members, and moves on. She feels that it’s her duty to make sure that these men pay, and don’t get away with what they’ve done.

The problem with cheating — and the biggest problem that I struggle with — is getting over it when you’re the cheating victim. Obviously that woman on the radio can’t get over the pain.

Here’s what I’ve determined — cheaters have all of the information. They know all about the circumstances of why they cheated, who with, the frequency, why they were attracted to who they cheated with, if there were any shortcomings in their primary relationship that necessitated the cheating, etc.

The cheating victims have none of that information — and cheaters, if caught, refuse to discuss it. All we know is that it happened. We are left to wonder about the details. We don’t know if it can happen again, or what triggered it the first time. We have no recourse.

And if the relationship manages to survive the cheating, the onus is on the cheating victim to get over it. Cheaters have to realize that we’re the ones who have to rebuild the trust. It’s the victims who have to try to get the images out of our heads. Cheaters would love it if we could get over it and leave it in the past, but the reality is that cheating is hurtful, and it takes time and a lot of good behavior on the part of the ex-cheater to get over.

i still have nightmares when i go to sleep. then there are moments when i’m sleeping, and i remember a time when things were good, when we were happy…then i wake up.

i have to let go of that nagging little last piece of hope, because there is no hope left to have. only hope for the happiness of my son.

i still can’t believe this chain of events. it sounds like a script from a bad movie…but it’s not. it’s my life.

so it’s officially over now…there’s no turning back. last night i found out that for the past few weeks all my efforts have been in vain. his heart was never in it at all. how could it have been when he’s been carrying on another relationship?

how can i come back into this house knowing what i know now? how many times did they exchange “intimate” emails while we were eating dinner? did he email her before having sex with me? or even after? was he thinking about her after our son went to bed? was he emailing her while going to pick up our son?

to you…

you should have been a fucking man in the beginning. you should have NEVER agreed to try if you knew your heart wasn’t going to be in it. not play me for a fucking fool. well no more…never again.
NEVER AGAIN

it seems like lately i’m the only one here, the only one in this whole thing. this charade we’re calling a relationship, this game we’re playing that’s called a family. i really think i’m giving it an honest effort. efforts that are going unnoticed, unappreciated.

it feels like you’ve given up, that you’re empty inside…or at least empty towards me. like you don’t have or want to dedicate any time or energy towards this, towards ME.

what the fuck for then….maybe i should give up too. that way we would save a lot of time on money and not seek help.

maybe i should turn my focus completely on the only man in my life who loves me endlessly and unconditonally.

i guess all i’m asking is for a sign. something. ANYTHING.

Mmm…mmm…
I dont wanna be a fool, I dont wanna be a fool for love
No, no, I wont, no
Hey, no, ooh…

I know that people do go through changes, yeah
But this just dont make no damn sense
If were gonna keep sayin we love one another, yeah, yeah
Well, then we better stop fightin and arguin

Cause baby, Ive heard Im sorry too many, many times before
Now I know better
It hurts to hold on to this kind of love even more
No, Im not crazy

I wont be a fool, a fool for love
Cause I know Id rather be alone than be here unhappy
Im not gonna choose, choose for you
Cause I know Id rather be alone than be here unhappy

I know its time to go when I feel lonely
When Im layin in your arms and it dont feel right, oh
Cause every time I feelin up you try to bring me down
So I feel good knowin I dont need you around

Cause I know, I know that I can feel this bad all by myself, hoo, yeah
And maybe thats my best bet
Startin this time Im gonna think selfishly
And never depend on someone else for keepin me happy, oh, no, no

I wont be a fool, a fool for love
Cause I know Id rather be alone than be here unhappy, oh, no
Im not gonna choose, choose for you
Cause I know Id rather be alone than be here unhappy, oh…

I-I-I-I wont be a fool, a fool for love
Cause I know Id rather be alone than be here unhappy
Im not gonna choose, choose for you
Cause I know Id rather be alone than be here unhappy, ooh, yeah

Im never gonna be a fool for love
Id rather be alone, just give it up
Dont make no sense to be in love
And be here unhappy, oh, no

It might feel good on a lonely night
But layin in your arms today aint right
Id rather lose you than lose my mind-acapo

Optimism is an outlook on life such that one maintains a view of the world as a positive place. It is the philosophical opposite of pessimism. Optimists generally believe that people and events are inherently good, so that most situations work out in the end for the best.

some days are better than others. some days i’d like to sing to the world my hopes and dreams…other days i just want to wallow and cry. except i don’t have time for the latter.

some days i have moments where i really think there’s a glimmer of hope, but most days that’s not the case.

i think i’ve really been making an honest effort. a real, conscious effort to do and not do things. it’s a daily struggle that i’m starting to get a little sick and tired of when it feels so one-sided. there are times when i see things slipping back to precisely what brought me to this point in the first place. i wonder sometimes if i never should have looked back.

i don’t know everything and i’m certainly not a mind reader. i only know what i see in front of me. i can make all the assumptions and accusations i want, but if i don’t know both sides then i can’t make an intelligent well informed opinion.

it’s not always best to follow your heart. sometimes i have to follow my head…even if my head wants to bang itself into a wall.